Football is Here! Who's Ready to Win Some Money!
I have officially started doing mock drafts for fantasy football season, and my hopes as high as Flash Gordon his first day out of treatment. I’m getting every player I want. This is the year I am going to tear up the league. O I want Todd Gurley and Julio Jones? Sure. I am so good at drafting against robots its insane. And the matthew berry praising kyles think that they are so smart taking a defense in the eighth round, but I just took Calvin Ridley, you idiot. I am talking trash about how I dominated the mock, and that they are all noobs that haven’t played a day of fantasy football in their life. I tell them that I do at least 14 mocks a day in preparation for the season. By the time of my actually drafts I have memorized the order of ESPNs Rankings and am ready to win some big time dough.
Turns out, that’s not how it really works. I end up sweating the whole minute, and have to draft Toby Gerhart in his first season with the Jaguars. It’s the fastest minute of my life, and I black out for 50 seconds until the alarm starts going off. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP… Team Clark selects Peyton Hillis. I don’t even know how I ended up on this player. They are 40 players down from the Auto-draft player. Wait, shit, this player is actually a back up now, and will see maybe three snaps a game? I thought I was going to get a steal in this round? The first moment my plan goes wrong its down hill. I freak out every time, and take a scrub. Round after round, I see the player I want taken by the team right before me. Every time, thinking about spilling my drink on their laptop so they have to auto-draft Paul Richardson.
I go to some dark places to try win a draft even though the auto draft team ends up being the best every year. The last guy I invited to the league ends up dominating while I stress week to week trying to fix my team because my rb-2 lost his job to a rookie. Most of the stress in my life comes from fantasy sports because my job is mindless and I live with my parents, but who cares cause its better than feeling nothing. Now, that’s what sports are all about.